Before we start this post, let’s just all discuss my feelings about my pregnancy are no reflection on my feelings for my baby. My baby is amazing. I have wanted and planned and tried for this baby and thought this baby would never happen. I know how lucky I am. But when pregnant you are expected to ‘love every minute’ and overall, it’s not that simple.
I genuinely don’t know how we don’t sniff out pregnant woman everywhere… How do we hide trimester number one? Suddenly having food aversions, looking like shit, being generally horrendous and I wasn’t even vomiting.
I first thought ‘could I be pregnant?’ When a series of things happened in a week that were unusual. If you’re not aware of our story, we were trying for a baby for 6 months, but in the last 2 months I had slightly given up as had been diagnosed with PCOS and was awaiting to be prescribed Clomid (a drug that makes you ovulate as PCOS can mean you don’t ovulate) so I got a new puppy (yes Maggie that’s you) anyway so I had noticed my boobs hurt and were bigger but put this down to my period being due (despite this never being a symptom before) then I noticed that the new jeans I just bought were very tight despite me buying the same pair before, but again I put this down to the fact that I was going through a ‘fast food phase’ (as if it were a phase!!) the final signals were that I was bloody knackered, like a whole new extreme of being tired, and also my mother in law came down so I had a G&T with her and it knocked me sick. I decided to do a pregnancy test (7 tests, I did 7) all positive. I was proud as punch.
I was ready to do this, I was made to do this, pregnancy was going to be amazing. That’s until the first trimester went “that’s a joke… here have some nausea”
Here are the realities of the first shitemester:
The nausea. Oh my god, I didn’t have morning sickness but I had insane nausea that would just generally cloud my days. It was so hard to deal with, as physical sickness people can see and kind of understand, but nausea people forget and then wonder why you’re moody. If I didn’t eat at the exact right time or if my body temperature went 0.000001% higher than it should have my whole day would be wiped out to nausea.
The tiredness. I think I found this the hardest, I like to be able to do things and be capable but when you’re that tired I could barely make it through the day. Housework ground to a halt and I would be asleep on the sofa by 8pm.
The fear. After I found out I was pregnant I had some bleeding which was absolutely devastating. I thought I was about 8 weeks pregnant so this was quite concerning. I bled for about 4 days before I was referred for an early scan and there are no words to express the emotions I felt when the screen was flipped around and I could see our little bean with a tiny flickering heartbeat. He was fine. I was earlier than we’d expected (thank you PCOS and irregular cycles) so it was just implantation bleeding, but the thought I was having a miscarriage was horrendous. I’ve struggle to shake the fear since then. This may be unique to me, but I think those first 12 weeks are pretty terrifying.
The rubber tyre. Only a handful of people know you’re pregnant at this point so you have this awful “has she put on weight” stage where your clothes don’t feel the same and you want to scream “I’m pregnant okay!!”
The mood swings. Seriously, there is so much going on in your body at this point, you’re exhausted and poorly and moody, you’re not the greatest person to be around and you know it. Kudos to my husband and family.
The hunger. I have never know anything like it, I was (and still am) permanently starving! All of your food goodness goes to your baby very quickly and then your body needs more fuel.
Let me know about your experiences with the first trimester in the comments!