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When did we start to devalue being “just a Mum?”

January 23, 2019

It’s so funny to me that I often defend myself as a Stay at Home Mum. Even now I am struggling not to add in the caveat of “oh, but I work from home” – because without it I feel like there is an instant inner eyeroll from whoever asked me “what do you do?”

Obviously, I do this. I’m a writer/blogger/social media tart/nine to five dodger – whatever you want to call me, but regardless, I don’t understand when my self worth became defined by what I do?

Without a career I am still an intelligent woman that will always have thoughts, ideas & opinions. 

Now, before you think I’m just being dramatic or that I am just projecting my own insecurities onto other people, it’s not just me! Kelly did a whole Instagram Story around how to deal with people asking questions about your decision to be a SAHM.  If you start typing Stay at Home Mom into Google, the word shame will follow on as a suggested search. There are threads and articles with other Stay at Home Mums feeling the same. 

I think as we become a society of #GIRLBOSSES and big dreamers we started to project our identity into our careers and Millenials see that what they add to their job is the value they add to society. 

Its weird to me that we shun the 1950s as such a shauvanisitc space but at least being a “homemaker” was a valued role. Even though women didn’t earn a salary, they were still valued as an integral part of the family by making sure that the machine ran smoothly.

We seem to have lost that. 

I’m not by any means suggesting we go back to the 1950s by the way. Far from it! What I am suggesting is that we stop trying to devalue our role as being “just a Mum” – we are, after all, raising the future and the last time I checked that was a pretty mighty task.

When I was pregnant with Rory, being able to hand in my resignation and be with him all day errr’ day was THE DREAM. It felt so unattainable. We could never afford for me not to work right? So I just would sit there and dream.

I thought only the luckiest Mums got to stay at home with their kids. 

So when it actually happened and now that is my role. I am really shocked by the number of times I can feel myself cringing at telling people as I am met with some kind of pity look. “Oh, that’s all she does?” 

We don’t need to be ashamed of what we’re doing. We don’t need to offer any explanations to anyone about our futures. So long as we’re doing the best we can and we’re happy, that’s enough to feel proud about. We all have different roles and different paths in this thing called life and we need to embrace it. And we also need to encourage people for doing what they do instead of making them feel like what they do isn’t enough.

It is enough.

 

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