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Things need to change…

July 17, 2018

So for a few weeks now, a few weeks too long actually, I’ve been feeling really stagnant.

I have had no motivation or drive and I’m not excited.

I just feel “meh”.

So anyway, over the weekend I decided enough was enough and started to look at things differently.

Recently there have been a few catalysts that have led to this, my diet isn’t amazing, I don’t rest and I’ve had a few personal bits going on. Ironically I recently did a quiz to decode the meaning behind your name and it was saying you may feel you’re faced with more challenges but that’s because you’re built for it, so that cheered me up.

Anyway, I woke up and decided enough was enough.

I vouched when I gave up my kids daycare that I didn’t want to feel low as a stay at home mum.  I had a low point as a parent just before Elin arrived, I started to not enjoy it and I knew all too well that if I wasn’t intentional with things, I would get back there.

I know there will be bad days. That’s parenthood. I get that. But if there are things that are in your control to prevent bad days then I think you should really focus on that. For me, being a mother is a privilege and it isn’t something I want to abuse. I want to make this space about enjoying Motherhood and making the most of it, embracing the chaos and feeling you again.

The last month I have reflected a LOT of the way I was raised and my upbringing. This isn’t me knocking it at all as my parents did well but I obviously see things that happened and how that has impacted me as an adult. It’s made me start to think about what I want for my kids and also how I want my kids to see their childhood and how they want to see their parents.

Beat Overwhelm:

Declutter the House: I should really have done this before Elin arrived. But slowly we will get there. We don’t have a huge house, but we do have a LOT of stuff. Two things that don’t work.

The stuff is actually giving me slight anxiety and it needs to be curbed. The thought of decluttering also gives me the heebeejeebies as it’s such a task. I’m going to have to do it super slowly around the babies and not be too hard on myself!

I am going to be making a mammoth list of each room and breaking it down into areas that need to be decluttered so that I can hopefully achieve this around the kids and naptimes. I think being able to check areas off will help too.

Money Management: Fun fact for you. I’ve never been great with money. I am crap at saving and also LOVE to buy baby clothes. YOLO right?

Well, as lovely an idea as that is, it’s not sustainable. I learnt in the book ‘Get Your Sh*t Together’ (which I am currently re-referencing as FYI, it’s amazing) that if you’re just saving then you never will whilst if you are saving with a target in mind i.e. I want to hit £1000 by March then it’s much more likely to happen.

Being self-employed means that my bills get paid based on me being paid and I haven’t been great at tallying the two up. Recently I’ve had the drama of invoices being paid on the same day as an unexpected payment goes out and its stressful. I am going to make a list of what days payments go out so that I stop having random shocks.

Cleaning System: I have lost my shit waaay too many times recently with housework. It drives me insane. INSANE I TELL YOU! I spend far too much time dealing with it when I should be spending time with Rory + Elin. It also makes me lose patience with Elin as she is still in that clingy stage which obviously makes housework hardwork. I have adopted The Organised Mum Method which is something I can see working. Its basically doing 30 mins per day in just one room and so far I am pretty happy with the results. Its only Day 1 but I can see how it’s more manageable.

Crack the To-Do List: I have never been great with a to-do list. I find it really hard to find a system that works for me. I am not a pen and paper type of gal. I have my phone everywhere so it needs to be on there. I’ve tried all of the apps but I think it’s gonna have to be a phone notes job. The main reason I suffer from overwhelm is that I don’t keep a to-do list. I also never stick to it. I end up with a massive brain overload and forget to do a LOT.

Wake Before the Kids: Mornings give me major anxiety. I wake up when the kids wake up so am straight into it. I get ready around them so it’s a constant rush and it’s hard work. I keep saying it but I really need to crack getting up before the small humans so I can leisurely drink some coffee and pencil in my eyebrows without a toddler trying to “help”

Set Goals: So recently it dawned on me that I hit “peak life goals” at 26 years old. You know, you aspire to buy your own home, preferably a Victorian Terrace that you renovate. Check. Get Married. Have your 2.4 kids, preferably a boy and a girl because John Lewis said so. Check, Check. I’ve done it all and I’m just 26. So now what? Without agendas and plans, I can see why things are getting stagnant. Rich and I have made a 5-year plan which includes travel, find a countryside cottage etc and I need to set professional goals as its time to take my blog to the next level.

Be the Mum I want my Kids to see:

Be Patient: Since becoming a mum I am learning just how impatient I am. Not so much with the kids learning things e.g walking places but when it comes to them having little meltdowns. I’m not the most patient and really need to work on putting myself in their shoes and calming down.

Play More: Bloody hell. I am USELESS at playing with the kids. Always have been. I always use the excuse in my head that I take them to playgroups (we go daily!) but actually as I always have my hands full with Elin at them, Rory kind of plays by himself (obviously with me following him round like an awkward groupie). I have been doing better with this but it all kind of depends on Elin. When she naps good, playtime is ON. But when she only wants to cuddle I do find it a struggle.

Have Daily Activities: This kind of ties in with ‘play more’ but one of the issues I have with ‘playing’ is a lack of creativity. I always resort to playing trains. I feel that having some structure to playtime will help us all out and give some routine to it. If there is some intention and planning its more likely to happen rather than “oh we’ll get the trains out at some point”. I feel like if our daily activity is painting, for example, it’s more likely to happen.

For Me:

Education: A huge part of this “better me” stuff is self-development and obviously as a self-employed, stay at home mum, I am the only one accountable for this. I don’t have anyone pushing me to push myself, my blog, my parenting etc to the next level and that’s on me. I am currently doing a lot of courses and listening to podcasts. It also helps me to have them running in the background when I hit my 3pm slump of waiting for some adult company.

Downtime: Working from home means I am so bad at taking any downtime. At the moment we are in a funny place with naps. Rory is a little all over the place with them and even when he does nap, Elin doesn’t! I am yet to nail the joint nap game. So there is no downtime in the day. At bedtime, I have so much work to do that I try and cram it in but I have started reading before bedtime and it’s really improved my quality of sleep!

Gratitude: I recently joined Mary ‘Badass’ Meadows Lifecoach Facebook group (by the way it’s incredible and just £7 a month) as part of my self-improvement journey (I told you I am very serious about this!!) and a huge part of her courses is all about gratitude. Its never something I’ve thought about as I am useless at writing things down like we’ve previously discussed, but I think I am going to make a weekly Instagram hashtag/link up so that I am accountable.

Health: Okay, so here is a crucial one. I am not great at eating well. Drinking water is a biggy for me and since breastfeeding and drinking tonnes more I have noticed a massive difference. So that along with drinking water, I want to eat better too. Watch this space!

*This is a collaborative post

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