“When we feel insignificant, sometimes we hold onto anything that made us significant. Even if its a negative thing.”
So recently I had a bit of a lightbulb moment while listening to Jen Sincero. I was folding washing and listening to an audiobook (you do you boo) when I had this random epiphany. By the way, if you haven’t listened to any Jen Sincero then I HIGHLY recommend.
Anyway, the lightbulb.
So she was talking about her theory on why we hold onto our misgivings sometimes, I’m paraphrasing but she was basically saying that sometimes we hold onto ill feelings because it can offer us a sense of importance and it totally rung true for me.
I’m not saying this stands for everyone and obviously there are a LOT of reasons to struggle to move on from bad things that have happened to us in the past, however, for me there were a few things that although I had forgiven I liked to bring up and hold against people and I couldn’t work out why.
Then with Jens light bulb moment I realised that I hold onto things that offer me a level of significance. For example: If I was feeling insignificant I might start picking a fight with Rich about a time he f*cked up in the past as it had previously offered me significance.
Like I said – this isn’t the case for every wrongdoing that’s ever happened to us but for me, noticing that pattern has really helped me to learn where I need to let go a bit. Sometimes when I can feel that bubble of resentment boiling, it offers me the question “Why am I about to go off about this? Could this just be a conversation about how I am feeling instead?”
Do this relate to you at all?