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The Mum Guilt of Having a Second Baby

December 8, 2017

I’ve always wanted two children as soon as I had Rory I had wanted another.

I got seriously broody when Rory was six months and my body must have made a sub-conscious decision because the following month I fell pregnant.

The second baby I’d always planned for was happening but, it was happening quicker than I’d planned.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I cried for my first baby. I cried so many times. I felt like I’d let him down, betrayed him in some way.

My first reaction was to go for a walk to clear my head. Plan this out. I bundled Rory up in the pushchair and we went out. I couldn’t even look at his beautiful, clueless face without feeling sick. What had I done?

Ah, mum guilt you cruel mistress.

The Mum Guilt of Having a Second Baby

The Mum Guilt of Having a Second Baby

It wouldn’t be just me and him anymore. His mummy, his whole world, wouldn’t be just HIS mummy anymore. He’s so little. He needs me and I’ve let him down.

People often ask me “are you worried?” and truth be told I’m not.

I’m not worried about having two babies. I’m not worried about how little they’ll both be or how I’ll cope. I’ve no concerns about breastfeeding or labour or the lack of sleep (okay, maybe the lack of sleep a little…)

I am worried about my firstborn. My little boy. The boy that made me “mummy”.

But am I really worried for Rory or am I worried that I’ll miss him?

Is my concern really about him or is it actually about me?

You see, I’ve got a brother. I love my brother, he does nothing but enriches my life for the better.

Rory loves other children. He’s about to have a friend for life. I know deep down that Rory will be fine.

But what about us?

What about the special bond we have? The days where we pass the time just him and me? The times he crawls over and snuggles onto my lap to watch telly.

What will happen to our little bond when I’m not just his anymore?

I know it’s irrational.

Right now, I only really love Rory. I care for my unborn baby obviously but the fierce “mum love” I have is for one person, so I can’t help but feel how I do.

I know that very soon, my heart will double and I will have two beautiful little babies.  Two beautiful little souls to love.

I can’t wait for her to arrive because I need that love. I need to shift the feeling in the pit of my stomach to a fullness in my heart, to look at both of them with the crazy pride I feel for Rory.

I need that crazy heart-melting feeling for both of them.

To stop this irrational fear that I’ve let my first baby down. and the guilt that my poor second unborn baby isn’t as welcomed and anticipated as Rory was.

I need to have them both in my arms and to have my beautiful family complete.

The Mum Guilt of Having a Second Baby

The Mum Guilt of Having a Second Baby

The comments +

  1. Lauren Butcher

    December 10th, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    Literally everything you have wrote is me currently. My son is 16 months old and I’m 22 weeks with my daughter, and I’ve spent nights panicking that I’m letting him down by not letting him be an only child a little longer! I’m hoping once she is here it will all fall into place too! X

  2. Alice

    December 10th, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    I can’t imagine how you’re feeling because I’ve only just discovered this incredible love and bond for a tiny person myself. You’ll find your way, you really will and everything will slot in perfectly xx

  3. Lauren

    December 10th, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    I worry that when my second arrives, I’ll find it much harder to give them as much attention as my first and that I won’t ever be able to be as close to them as I am to my first! Has Rich given you any advice on how to deal with worrying about the love? My husband has a little boy from a previous relationship and he said he wasn’t going to lie to me, he was worried because he adores his son so much that it wasn’t possible to love anyone else as much! Has Rich given you any advice, because this is his fourth child isn’t it? Also, have you ever thought of writing some posts about your experiences as a stepmother and that dynamic? I’d love to hear about that as I’m a step mother too and it feels really lonely out here sometimes!

  4. Nicole - thelittlestdarlings

    December 11th, 2017 at 1:36 am

    I know your age gap will be smaller than what Lucas and Iris’ is but honestly It is okay once they’re here. I had the same guilt and Lucas loves having a little sister and they’re so cute together now. I promise it’s not that bad 🙂 xx

  5. Kirsty McManus

    December 11th, 2017 at 11:20 am

    No advice to give you on the guilt side, but your an amazing mum to Rory and whatever you do will always be the best for him. Rory will have a beautiful little sister, and your heart will only get bigger. Much love G xx

  6. Lucie Loves It

    January 18th, 2018 at 1:26 pm

    You are an amazing mum to Rory and I know you’re going to continue to be even when Rory’s little sister comes along 🙂 You’ve got this girl, I’m so proud of you! <3 Love you! xxxx

  7. Maisie Gibbons

    January 18th, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    I feel you on so many levels here! EVen though I’m not pregnant again yet I worry so much about how a second child will slot into our family!

  8. Laura Nelson

    January 20th, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    I think we all get the guilt but it’ll work out in the end, things always do x

  9. Sophia Ford

    January 21st, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Everything will fall into place once little girl is here and you will ace being a mama of two! xo

  10. Rachael Claire

    January 22nd, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    So many people ask me when we plan to have another & just the thought of Teddy not being my number one focus & little baby, makes me so sad! However, I know when the time comes my heart will double in size and welcome in our new baby like they always belonged there. You are such a lovely mama to Rory & as soon as your little girl arrives, you’ll wonder what you were ever worried about.

    Rachael xx

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