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I want more from Motherhood.

October 1, 2018

It came as a total shock to me that I would find Motherhood hard. I know. How naive right?

When I used to think of stay at home mums, I just couldn’t understand what they were complaining about… they had it easy right?

But who knew… this shit is hard! Straight from the offset with Rory, it was hard. He came into the world via cesarian and it turned my world upside down a little bit.

Obviously, you’re hit with a lack of sleep.

Rory then turned into the clingiest soul and I struggled to adjust to being that depended on.

We then went through a period of finding the “I’m a Mum, not a housewife” balance. (Basically when you’re at home so it’s assumed that all cooking and cleaning falls on Mum when actually she needs to be looking after baby)

Before long I was feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated and anxious.

Anxious about learning to raise this teeny human in the right way.

As Rory turned 6 months, things got a lot easier. We had routine, balance and were doing well. I was loving this Motherhood game. Now Elin is 6 months I remember why. Babies suddenly become really fun at 6 months old.

However, I felt that I’d started to lose my sense of self. I didn’t know anything about me and I didn’t do anything for me.

I also still felt under immense pressure to parent the way I felt I should. Rory wasn’t a great napper and I felt like he should be napping in the same way my friend’s babies were napping.

I hit a low within Motherhood when I was heavily pregnant with Elin. It was winter, I didn’t have a car so on rainy/colder days I was limited to anything in walking distance. Rory was in an awkward stage where I couldn’t take him to a park as he could only crawl so I couldn’t take him to a park or anything as the ground was wet.

It was really hard. I was really isolated, lonely and dare I say it… bored. I didn’t even realise it though until watched this video. I wasn’t seeing friends enough and I was understimulated.

I knew that when Elin arrived things would need to change. I knew that if I didn’t take matters into my own hands and get much more intentional with my mental health, that I would become resentful.

I hate saying that. Be resentful. I’m so lucky. So so so lucky to have two beautiful little babies and to be able to stay at home with them. But it is hard.

Being a Mum, its all about survival right? That’s what we keep hearing. “Its all about survival”, “Just survive until bedtime”. Sound familiar? Its kind of drummed into us. But recently I have wanted it to feel so much more than that.

Instead of feeling like I was “Surviving Motherhood”, I wanted to feel like thriving in Motherhood.

Obviously being a mum really isn’t a walk in the park, it is crazy hard work, but if there were in my control to change that, then I owed it to my kids to do so.

So that’s what I am doing now. I am on a mission.

A mission to live my ‘Best Mum Life’

To feel positive and calm.

To feel like I am doing my best with my time with my kids.

To find ways to manage the house and the day to day tasks.

To feel strong and badass within my parenting decisions.

To feel confident and comfortable within my own skin.

And SO MUCH MORE.

Want to join me? Stay tuned!

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