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How It Feels To Have Divorcing Parents as an Adult

June 18, 2014

Okay, I don’t really know the point of this blog post. It’s going to be more of a brain dump, but hey… isn’t that the joy of writing?

So, almost five years ago my parents sat my brother and I down and told us they were divorcing. At the time, it was fine. I had just bought my own home that was being renovated and was going to be moving out soon anyway, so the impact was minimal. It was common knowledge to my brother and I that my parents weren’t perfect, so that was fine too.

We dealt with it okay.

My parents have always got on well, there was very little bad blood. When I had Rory they would happily sit in the same room as each other and they’ll even go for a coffee together now and then but, recently I am starting to feel the impact of their separation.

Having two kids, my life is at that pivotal point that you always work towards. You know when you’re a kid and you say “I want to buy a home, get married and have two kids” – which by the way now I’ve said it out loud I’m thinking what should be my next vision/goal? A labrador? – I’ve never even considered that I’ve reached all I’ve aspired to in life at 26 and now need to consider ‘what next…’ – this blog post has got deeper than I expected.

Anyway, I digress.. my point is that now I have reached what, I guess, we were all working towards… because essentially your parents have the same vision for you too, we should be settling in and embracing this life path. A life as parents and grandparents.

But obviously things aren’t the same, they aren’t as we imagined them. The four of us no longer live in the ‘forever home’ that we lived in since I was 10. We built that house (I say “we” as though I had ANY input haha!) with the intention of my brother and me one day, bringing grandkids there. (Also thinking of those memories and us all envisioning a little boy and a girl one day makes me so emotional that now Rory and Elin are actually here and little alive human beings) The house had a pool and a massive garden and now I have Rory I feel sad about how much he would LOVE it.

It’s hard seeing my parents adjusting to this new reality too. I think people become doting grandparents because it’s the new chapter in their life. They’ve been married for years and years and its something new and exciting. Obviously, both my parents are already dealing with new realities that they are trying to find their feet with, and I think they find it harder to be ‘grandparents’ within that.

By the way, that isn’t knocking them as grandparents in any way shape or form as they do both play huge roles, especially my mum, but I just mean that I think they are also accepting that it isn’t the way they originally saw it.

We are all adjusting to them both being single and building their own homes. We are adjusting to the prospect of new people getting involved in our family unit as they begin meeting new people. I worry because with Senior Dating – are all the good ones already in a relationship? (Sorry to call you senior Mum and Dad, but you need to accept your new reality!) but with new apps and websites I suppose there is an element of screening/trust. There is nothing worse than your mum telling you she’s off on a date and having to be the one to say “make sure you stay in public places, don’t go back to their house and tell someone where you are going!”, poor woman.

We are trying to find our new normal and let that play out.

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