“Was it Planned?” – This question achieves nothing. People that did plan feel upset and wonder why you’d assume differently and people that didn’t plan feel like you’re undermining the love for their child. It’s not your business, you don’t need to know!
“When will you have another?” – Let’s just get this one out of my uterus first shall we?
“Are you allowed to eat that?” – Food guidelines change all the time, halfway through my pregnancy, I was told runny eggs are all good despite doctors previously warning me off them. Pregnant woman are well aware of what they can and can’t eat, you don’t have to remind them.
“Are you going to breastfeed?” – This can be quite a personal question, also it’s usually asked by the person you would never want to discuss your breasts with… like your gran.
“You’re not breastfeeding – oh but it’s so good for bonding!” – I have heard this so many times, right so I can only bond with my baby via breastfeeding? The 9 months he chilled out in my uterus mean nothing?
“Your bump is massive!” – All pregnant girls know they are pregnant, but sometimes the prospect of your growing body is scary… the word massive is never a welcome word.
“Your bump is so small” – Also to be completely hypocritical, we also want our babies to be growing and blooming. We want to look pregnant, not chubby, we get a complex when we are told our bump is little.
“Make sure you get some sleep now!” – Pregnancy throws pelvic girdle pain, SPD, insomnia, over-heating, vivid dreams as well as many other dramas at you… sleep gets compromised. I was told this five times after a terrible night of hip and pelvis pain that meant I got 3-hours sleep, it’s clear I wasn’t getting sleep.
“Labour is horrible” – I was under no false pretence that it was a walk in the park, but I don’t need reminding…
“You don’t know what you’ve let yourself in for” – Right – I made this baby and I am over-joyed… there is nothing more disheartening than people telling you how you either won’t cope or that you have no idea what to expect. Like obviously no I don’t, but I will learn.
“Life stops now” – Cheers. What good is that advice to anyone??
“What gender would you prefer?” – Again, what does this achieve? There is nothing I can do to change this outcome?
“You eat loads” – Yes… I am feeding a child’s growth and powering my body to do so. I might need an extra bit of food to help that along.
“You’ve got ages left” – Someone said this to me when I was feeling rubbish and uncomfortable at 38 weeks, they delivered that stark reminder that I could still have up to 4 weeks left… again, I KNOW THIS, I don’t need your reminder and what good has it achieved?
“Aren’t you worried eating so much rubbish when pregnant? I wouldn’t do that” – Good for you. Someone said this to me after I felt dizzy and had bought a coke. They started reading out the “chemicals” I was feeding my baby. My response “I’m sure at some point in his life he’ll drink cola… let’s start him early”
“You’ve had the longest pregnancy ever!” – Nope, the same amount of time as everyone else’s.
“Oh, I’m not sure on that name” – That’s alright, it’s not your baby.
“Oh, you’re returning to work?” – Yes, this is a super sensitive subject for a lot of mums and they will have insecurities about it, they don’t need to go through those insecurities with you.
“Are you scared of labour?” – A watermelon coming out of my privates? Nah – fine about it.
“November birthday, that’s mean for the poor child” – Sorry about that!
“Is your partner excited?” – What his baby? Nah.
“Is your mum excited?” – For her first grandchild? Nah, she’s dreading it.
“How much weight have you gained?” – Would you ask this if I wasn’t pregnant? No? Probably still not the time.
“Your vagina will never look the same!” – Great.