When it comes to both my births, I will always be forever grateful to all of the midwives that looked after us. They know this because I’ve messaged them on Facebook. Yup, I’m that kind of creeper! But inspired by a blog post from Smart Cells I am determined to find a midwife whose name I didn’t catch.
For Rory’s birth there was Lorraine, god damn when I first met her I hated her. She kept telling me I wasn’t “in enough pain” for pain relief, ‘goddammit woman‘ I thought! But when my cervix eventually did get its act in order and hit 4cm, that woman didn’t mess about. She got me what I needed as quickly as I demanded it. Poor woman! I was in labor for so long that she ended her shift and came back on again later and was back to looking after me, seeing me through the final slog. During my cesarean, she was my angel. She was efficient and to the point. Exactly what the doctor ordered. She had my back.
For Elin’s delivery, there was Lily, lovely Lily. A girl I love so much, Elin’s middle name is dedicated to her! The poor girl got cornered in the corridor and was stuck with me when she wasn’t even supposed to be on a “delivering babies shift”. You, my girl, were my favorite thing that day (apart from Elin) no matter how much I declared I wanted a cesarian (Elin got stuck and I panicked), no matter how much I roared like a wilder beast and no matter what I demanded. You were a cracker!
Now there’s a midwife whose name I do not know, she may not even actually be a midwife? But she’s a woman I will never forget and I’m determined to find her.
After Rory’s birth I was on the high dependency ward so was well looked after. Elin’s birth was reasonably straight forward so afterwards it was just her and I. Despite her birth being quite straightforward, it’s still an ordeal! By the time I got to the ward I’d been awake for 19 hours and was a little (a lot!) shaky. Elin was angry at life (her head took a battering being pulled out, poor little mite) and she would not settle. (That’s me being polite, the girl got very well acquainted with her lungs and screamed.)
I was genuinely a little bit terrified. As a mum already you have a season pass right? You know your stuff surely? But in that moment it all felt just as alien as it did the first time around. I was weak and shaky and so scared I’d drop her. She was new and fresh and I didn’t know her. I didn’t know how to calm or soothe her. I missed Rory, at least I knew what he needed when he cried. (Usually a snack)
I shushed and rocked her till she fell asleep but every time I put her in the cot she woke (didn’t she know she was meant to basically be permanently asleep for at least 2 days?) So I held her and waited (and waited and waited) until she fell into a deep enough sleep to be transferred. While I waited, in popped a lovely midwife who uttered the magic words “why don’t you pop her next to you in the bed and we’ll keep coming to check on you” HOLY MOLLY. As a co-sleeping mum this is what I so desperately wanted to do but didn’t feel I could because ‘hello judgement’.
Later when Elin woke, she came to help me. She offered to take her into the office and cuddle her for me so I could get some sleep. She held her for me whilst I went to the toilet (side note: I didn’t even make it as far as the toilet before I peed everywhere because its true what the say, your pelvic floor needs some TLC), she mopped up blood off the floor (yep, sorry about that) AND she had the magic touch to get Elin to settle in the cot!
She bashed out so many stereotypes. She cared. She made sure I rested. She made me feel so comfortable and I never got to thank her.
So now I want too. I want to say Thank You, Midwife! Thank you for being utter perfection at a time where I needed it. You reminded me that I’m a mum already. I know what I’m doing. You gave me my confidence back. You made me feel strong by reminding me “hell, you’re not overreacting, did you see what you just went through”
So, if you were working the night of the 3rd March 2018 at Yeovil Hospital, I can’t remember which room I was in, but I was in the top right-hand corner, I kept banging on about my first born boy like a mad woman. You have little boys too, three I think! You are amazing and I cant tell you how much you meant to me that night!