Big thumbs up from Baby Clarke!
Not 100% sure why, but at 30 weeks I have started to really enjoy my pregnancy. This isn’t the first time, when I first hit the second trimester I was hit with some sweet, sweet hormones and had so much energy that I was LOVING it, but as quickly and as hard as they hit me, they left me too and a few weeks later I was a big emotional mess.
The rest of my pregnancy I have been indifferent, that sounds so ungrateful and I resent myself for it, but I just felt like the baby was a long way away so I couldn’t get excited, the same feeling as to when you book a holiday for the following year, you don’t really get excited until you are in the three week countdown. I just felt like right now I have a job to do, that’s to keep this baby safe and do my best. For the earlier stages this was tainted by me not allowing myself to get excited as I was actually terrified I would lose my baby! (Anyone else completely over worry in the first/early second trimester?)
However my hormones have kind of balanced out (touch wood – there is plenty of time for this to change) and I am feeling consistently back to myself and am excited for the arrival of my baby, despite being uncomfortable in the evenings, I am enjoying being visibly pregnant and people no longer delicately asking the question “are you expecting?” but jumping straight in with “oh when are you due?” its way more flattering than people telling me “oh thank god you said yes as I have been watching for a couple weeks and wasn’t quite sure!” – Ha, no it’s a baby not the extra burger I had for lunch (well some of it may be the burger too)
Falling pregnant initially I really didn’t feel like myself – my baby was planned and I was acting like it came as a shock! I was suddenly terrified and overwhelmed (we will talk more about this in a later post) but I have finally started to feel in control and ready for this impending life bomb to come in and turn our worlds upside down!
I wanted to write this post as I have never really taken a step back to fully appreciate my baby and my body! Like what the hell, my body is creating a human being, he is in my tum with his own brain and mind and thoughts and personality and he has no idea that he is in a tummy! He is MY LITTLE BOY, I AM HAVING A LITTLE BOY, I AM HIS MUMMY (yes I cried for this outburst!!) and he is going to be here very very soon. We have built a bond since he started kicking and he has a routine and I now take time out of my day to sit and appreciate this, I will purposely have a bath, just because that’s when we have some time together and he comes awake. Its truly magical that he is here, its magical that he will be here and I just wanted to celebrate finally feeling the way that I probably should about my pregnancy, even if it only lasts for a week until my hormones come right back!